'It's genius level. People with such an IQ are capable of great discoveries, but are also prone to underachieving, because society cannot cope with them. Schooling systems do little for the extremes of IQ. Higher IQs often learn things so quickly, they get bored and become discipline problems. They also have a tendency to learn things quickly and by half, rarely getting the full skill.'

Memoirs - moi?

I've decided I'm going to write my memoirs - some of them, anyway. Partly because I don't remember much of the past decade and what I do remember, I have to be careful about revealing. Haha, let's just say life's been interesting.

I'm a rolling stone and my vocation takes me here and there, up and under, meeting and losing people along the way. There isn't anyone to remember everything, just bits 'n' bobs. I occasionally see a few people who accompanied me partway along the journey, and they've been instrumental in filling in some of the blanks and we've had a ball reminiscing. Unfortunately, most places have gone, swallowed up by 'progress', and people have moved away or slipped off the mortal coil. Everything changes...

I laugh when I think of this - better to die laughing than die, period - every decision I've made has been the wrong one - isn't that something? I deserve a medal for that accolade alone! If I had my time over, with the benefit of hindsight, would I choose differently? My head says Yes. But if I step back for a moment and think about all the experiences I've had that would never have been possible had I taken the right paths in life, I might be richer and more successful now, but I'd be bored as hell. With no hint of exaggeration, some of the situations I've found myself in, you couldn't even make up.

I have no clue how to structure a 'memoir', so what I'm going to do is start blogging more. Eventually, I can pull my posts together into some semblance of a long piece.

Vive la fille dans l'espoir d'un nouvelle vie!

-

I'm reading this article at the moment. Check it out x

Writing A Memoir

Don't let the bastards keep you down!

I've nothing to add. Dave says it all for me :)

Ennui

ennui [ˈɒnwiː (French) ɑ̃nɥi]
n
a feeling of listlessness and general dissatisfaction resulting from lack of activity or excitement
[from French: apathy, from Old French enui annoyance, vexation; see annoy]

Collins English Dictionary – Complete and Unabridged © HarperCollins Publishers 1991, 1994, 1998, 2000, 2003

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I woke up today feeling so bored - more than bored. In the short-term, can't go out anywhere today, because I have students coming later and need to prepare lesson plans, and I'm blocked creatively, so I can't write anything constructive for my novel. On a grander scale, I have no ambition whatsover - ambition is what drove me through life until a few years ago. Now I just fill up time with hobbies, but I'm even bored of them today! The dreary drizzle outside, and thick cloud cover isn't helping either.

I was born a musician, but I feel I wasted my life on music. As soon as I could hold an instrument, every waking hour was dedicated to the pursuit of music, for thirty years. As an adult, I've always worked as a musician, working the club scene ('til the government destroyed musicians' earning potential with the smoking ban), and - quite lucratively - for record labels and studios, providing vocals to cover up for so-called talented celebrities' lack of skills, all the while hearing the bleating "Why don't you go on X Factor?" blah blah blah from the idiots. The masses harp on about how talented pop stars are, when the truth is their lack of talent is hidden by excellent production and real musicians and vocalists, both in the studio and onstage, hidden behind stage sets.

I can't even be bothered seeking new opportunities in that field right now, because it's soulless; like knowing I have to be a prostitute for the foreseeable future, bleh. Sure, the money's nice - and much needed - but I see music as an art, not a commodity, and don't respect myself when my creativity is a commodity. I need to live passionately. I was never one to think 'get good qualifications, well paid job, rich husband, two children, buy house, two cars, etc. But because I DIDN'T do that, I'm starving for a holiday and financial means to change my circumstances. I think it would be more pleasant to see someone else struggle beside me, hehe, a problem shared and all that jazz.

I have no other skills to speak of, having dedicated my life to music for the past 30yrs, so I can't get hired for a 'real' job - not that there are any jobs atm for anyone - and so I fill my time with my hobbies. It's fun, living in the moment and doing what I love, but sometimes I get bored, like I am today. Okay, saying I have no skills isn't true. I have numerous skills, just no paperwork to back them up.

I guess the main thing is knowing everything is an illusion. We're playing a game I didn't ask to join, and the other side are manipulative cheats. This knowing takes my ambition away. Success in the 'matrix' is irrelevant, really. But necessary in order to put food on the table. If I had ambition, I could strive for success, but it's of paramount importance to me to seek Truth, to explore Consciousness. My dream is to magically earn a large amount of money and buy a farm/chateau to renovate, with some livable space (or a caravan in the field!) and start a community there...somewhere warmer than England, with a stream or lake, and a well, and plenty of land to grow food on.

What to do, what to do...maybe I should seek solace in food. A full English sounds appealing.

Stuck in the middle with you, Brett!!!

I usually approach a novel as a series of vignettes that have important information about participating characters and devices to push the plot forward. However, when it comes to linking said scenes, I occasionally run into a wall. My characters are on different, equally important paths; paths which occasionally cross over or run parallel for a period. Their back stories have nothing in common, and they don't always arrive at the same destination.

I sometimes find it tricky when I need to introduce two or more for the first time. Maybe I'm pressuring myself in trying to force the issue and that's why my well of inspiration is dry. I know what the scene needs to accomplish, who needs to be there, how they need to interact, but somehow, it's not coming together. I have the parameters, but I'm all out of content.

I need Brett (the new kid on the block) and Wolf (the established musician) to meet at Brett's gig, in order to spark off the rest of their interweaving journey of hate, sabotage, and one-upmanship. Wolf's only there because his friend/roadie Alex invited him, and their other friend Jimmy is the promoter for the event. Wolf and Brett also meet a third, lesser character, Roxanne, at the venue, which sets her up for future scenes with both of them.

I've sat in front of my computer for months, trying to tackle this scene, and every time, I give up and move past it, and work on something else from a later chapter (I don't write in order). I'm a working musician; it's not like I don't have plenty of gigs to draw from! I wonder if this sinking sand rut is my subconscious' way of telling me the scene is not going to work, or if it's because I'm allowing recent negative exchanges with musicians cloud my creativity...

I find sharing a problem always helps one to look at it through fresh eyes, even if no one has a solution. A blog I read suggested I haven't thought the story/exchange through sufficiently, which could be true, or that I don't know my characters well enough. Wolf is a close friend, surviving into Headliner from my first novel, Swallow, but Brett is another animal. I'm still getting to know him.

While thinking about this latter possibility, it occurred to me. I really don't like him.

My book needs him as the antagonist in several characters' journeys, and he has a great story arc, but I don't like him. When Wolf was the antihero in Swallow, he had something likeable about him, so even when he was doing the most despicable things to other characters, the reader could still empathise with why he acted like that, even if they didn't agree with his behaviour. Swallow, being my first novel, cooked on a low heat setting for years. I don't want to take years to write each book, to get my ideas on paper! But I knew my characters inside and out by the time I developed the skills required to write a great novel. I have to find ways of getting to know my new characters intimately in a shorter space of time, if I am to overcome this obstacle.

Perhaps I shall write out a biography for him, like I did with my Swallow characters. And if I can think of someone I've encountered along the way in the 'real' world, that might help, too. The importance of getting this scene right is counterproductive; I've written all I can in separate scenes and now I need to start tying it all together in a linear fashion, so I can fill in the blanks, and direct the important choices.

Let's finish with a song. This pretty much epitomises a LOT of gigs and musician social circles I've endured - oops, I mean, enjoyed...


Stealers Wheel - Stuck in the Middle With by halxman

I play the social butterfly when need be, say, I’m doing a show at a nightclub or promoting my music, but I'm actually pretty introverted. I like my own company a lot of the time, and the friendships I keep have grown slowly but surely. I'm not one for fairweather friends, and while I have acquaintances, I often default back to hanging out with me.

I missed a lot of rock shows and movies over the years, due to not having anyone to go with. Few of my friends share my interests - which could beg the question why we are friends at all, hehe, but it's mainly because I have a strange collection of likes.

Anyway, I eventually told myself to go and see whatever band I wanted; once in a gig, no one can tell if you're alone or separated from friends anyway. So, in 2008, I booked a flight to my favourite city, Berlin, to see Whitesnake and Alice Cooper, my two favourite bands. It was the best thing I ever did - the floodgates opened!

Next stop, Brussels, Belgium. Not only did I get to see Whitesnake up close and personal again, I got to meet the support band the next day, who were pretty down to earth, and made some new Belgian friends.

Today I tackled the lone cinema outing. I woke up at 11:22 and it was gloriously sunny. Usually, I hide indoors, regardless of the weather, and emerge under cover of darkness, like a phantom. But today, I was itching to do something with my day, for a change, and everyone I know works a 9 to 5 or lives out of town. I’d been looking forward to Salt since Angelina Jolie was pictured on set last year – call me a fan, or whatever, but I enjoy her performances, and love action movies, particularly with a political or conspiratorial slant.

Since it started showing, I couldn’t think of anyone who would come, so today I thought, "Sod it, I’m going.”

I hopped in the shower and called a cab, so I didn't have enough time to worry about what others would think about the pathetic Billie No-Mates lurking in the shadows. Fifteen minutes later, I was at the ODEON at Liverpool One, queuing for my ticket, and wishing I’d remembered the kids are still off school. Fortunately, they were there to see something else, and once inside the viewing room, there were plenty of seats and I was mildly surprised to see about half of the small audience were lone viewers. Though why one man bothered to pay and then spent over half an hour outside on a phone call is beyond me.

I’ll leave it to Sony to write the blurb:

As a CIA officer, Evelyn Salt swore an oath to duty, honor and country. Her loyalty will be tested when a defector accuses her of being a Russian spy. Salt goes on the run, using all her skills and years of experience as a covert operative to elude capture. Salt's efforts to prove her innocence only serve to cast doubt on her motives, as the hunt to uncover the truth behind her identity continues and the question remains: "Who is Salt?"
Written by Sony Pictures



There were enough twists and turns to keep me entertained and the only problem was the effect the huge drink had on my bladder – why do cinemas serve refreshments in such huge sizes? Seriously! I struggle, and I’m 6ft2; I don't know how children manage. I spent the last half hour in discomfort, not daring to visit the toilets - this is where a friend comes in handy - "What did I miss?" I suffered in silence and as soon as the credits rolled I was out of there and into a stall.

I enjoyed Salt and would likely see it again, but most of all, I enjoyed crossing the barrier of doing things people usually do in company. I’ll do it again! I like going to the cinema with a friend, but the good thing about going alone is I could get completely engrossed in what was onscreen. Afterwards, I picked up my mic system that I’d left at the music store for over a month, and then treated myself to a Long Island Iced Tea before heading home.

Why does this blog entry suddenly read like something I wrote in primary school....

Sometimes, I have to remind myself, what others think isn’t important. Now I have a cinema club card in my possession, it seems a few more visits are on the cards. I’ll take a lunchbox next time. I found the experience liberating. Now I've done it, I think I'll check out some of the arthouse and foreign films at FACT. And I'd quite like to see Inception again.

Sometimes, this spinster wishes she were a dolt...

So, I've decided I shall bemoan my singleness while I'm hormonal. It's better to feel sorry for myself than be bitchy...although, sometimes I'd beg to differ with myself.

Anyhoo, tonight's complaint is this. I probably shouldn't aimlessly surf so much...

Apparently, only 0.003% of the British population share my IQ. I just read a post on a forum that says exactly what I'm thinking!

---
"The truth is, intelligence, being smart, really truly smart, is a horribly lonely affair. It is soul-crushingly lonely. For someone such as me with an IQ as a stupid, naive, child was last measured at 142. That's roughly .14% or 14 / 10,000. Now restrict that sample to agiven location and there may be (if you're lucky) a few hundred people in the area you live in (this depends of course on where you live, I'm speaking for my current situation). Now how many of those are roughly your age? How many are of the opposite sex, emotionally compatible, attractive, and single? In many to most cases the answer is nearly nil. What are the odds of meeting such a person? Imagine how lonely a situation that is, and it's just simply arrived at by simple analysis."
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For me, that percentage works out at approximately 1500. FIFTEEN HUNDRED PEOPLE. Of these people, how many are male and single and possess all the other attributes mentioned in the excerpt above?

No wonder I'm a spinster! >:(

One might say choosing a mate on intelligence is unnecessary, but even if I were not attracted to the mind, more often than not, men date women less intelligent than them. And shorter than them. And less bossy.

*sigh* I guess I could sell my eggs...at least I'd get some recompense!